Bright Lights, Big City

My Favorite Color is Shiny

I wanted to write about our anniversary trip to New York but I have been slackin'. I'll get to it eventually but right now I just have this lump in my throat because I want to move there so badly. I just saw a picture of an apartment in Park Slope, Brooklyn and I just felt like I needed to go home and tell Asher that we need to go. NOW.

Everything rational inside me says it isn't the right time, it never will be. I lost my chance when Asher moved out here, when I didn't do more to move out to be with him. But that would have been a different life. We wouldn't be where we are today. How can I leave family? How would we survive? Would Asher be able to do art for his work? Could I find a job that I loved? When could we have babies and then how would we feed and care for them?

So yes, more questions that answers and it wouldn't make sense but goddamn it...I just can't let this dream die.

Praying

In the last week, it occurred to me that I forgot exactly how to pray.

I've been asking for other people's prayers but when it came to me doing it, I felt like I wasn't doing it right. I had trouble quieting my mind and thinking of eloquent words to say to the sky. Struggling to censor anger and fear with a more pleasant request for leniency and strength.

Last night I listened to the program "Return to the Scene of the Crime" on This American Life. In a segment of the program, local author and sex columnist, Dan Savage, talks about how he grew up Catholic. He came out to his mother in his teens and ever since then he couldn't reconcile the Catholic church's beliefs (for instance, gays going to hell) with all the things he believed (that he was a good person).

His mother was the opposite, she could fit all her beliefs within the confines of the religion, even if her beliefs differed from the Pope's. He called her a good "American Catholic." She believed in birth control and gay rights and that women could be priests and they should all be able to marry.

Because she knew her son had fallen away from the religion she would say, "I know you don't pray, but keep me in your thoughts."

So last night, after hearing this, I kind of decided that to make it easier on myself, to make it less intimidating, I would just think about praying as "keeping you in my thoughts."

I've been praying all day.

I don't find it coincidental that I chose to listen to this podcast last night, just in time to ease my mind. I take it as a sign that God is always listening to me, even though I have trouble talking to him.
You can listen to the radio show HERE. Dan's segment starts at the 38 minute mark.

First Impressions

5 minutes late to class*.
Couldn't figure out how to turn on my computer and actually announced it to the class before I found the blatantly obvious blue button.
Went the wrong direction to go on break and ended up at a dead end hallway.
Tried to exit out of the bathroom using the storage closet door.
And then my phone rang.

Seriously? Seems I need a bit of focus.

*I'm taking an Illustrator class at Bellevue College (no longer a community college, it's fancy now).

How Cool Is This Guy?

"I feel so good that it's annoying," a smiling Ichiro told reporters through interpreter Ken Barron. "I feel so good that I feel like I would do something bad."

Who doesn't want to feel like that?

Read more...here. He (and his interpreter) are full of wit.

Adventureland

Tonight we saw another seriously sweet story about growing up. I kind of compare it to The Wackness or Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, one of those coming of age, sweet boy in the real world stories. Adventureland is so sweet, it gave me that little lump in my throat. It made me want to run my hands through a boys hair while I kiss him and listen to mix tapes from middle school.
We went to the 5:30 show, picked up Thai food to go, and stepped back out into the night. Eight o'clock and it was still bright out. Spring is in the air.

Yes we can!

Asher made me a shirt to wear today and I am wearing it with pride! Here I am outside this morning with the lawn sign I have had up since March!

After work I'm going to take Asher with me to the polls so he can see how democracy works and so we can both tell our children what we did on this historic day.

• 88 years ago women were granted the right to vote
• 53 years ago Rosa Parks refused to move to the back of the bus
• 45 years ago, Martin Luther King Jr. gave his "I Have a Dream" speech
• 43 years ago, discriminatory voting practices were outlawed
• 41 years ago, Interracial Marriage was Legalized. Obama was born when it was still illegal for his parents to marry in some states of the US.
• 40 years ago, MLK was killed for his belief in civil rights for all
• 10 months ago, Josie Bean Lily was born. It is her future!
• 5 months ago Asher & I got interracially married
• 5 weeks ago Hank Cameron was born. It is his future!
• And someday, my (future) kids will be able to say that there was a President who looked like them! And he was an honorable man, worthy of the title.

Love + HOPE,

Megan

The Loctor Comedy Show

Asher: What?
Me: Nothing I was just looking at you.
Asher: No, you were staring.
Me: No, I blinked.

(insert giggles)

Me: I think I need to have a baby so I can get attention.
Asher: Broke and homeless gets a lot of attention too.

(insert giggles)

I am a convert

I most always wear high heels. Or I should say until this week I always wore high heels. Even on the weekends and even though I am taller than my husband who is my same height in flat shoes. But I bought some cute, cute jeans at Lane Bryant and wandered next door and bought some cute, cute flats at Payless.

I love my jeans. They are sexy, long, stylish and they totally fit me right, curves and all. I love jeans and have about 30 pair in my closet that I buy thinking they will be "the ones" but they wash up weird or end up looking terrible on me. It is hard because I am in this place in between normal and plus sized clothes so usually the normal girl pants are too tight and the plus size girl jeans are ugly and too big or ill fitting. I love my new jeans. Asher loves my butt in my new jeans.

I never shop at Payless but I recently saw on the Patricia Fields website that she is designing a line for them. My store doesn't carry them but they carry other styles that are so super cute. And if I want to buy the Patricia Field's designs they give free shipping and free returns in the store. Plus, they are coupon crazy so I got a pair today for $10!

My precious little Dev

My little Dev is going to be a mom in the next few days. It is one of those mysteries of life that catches my breath. Because I am the last one in the family to be married and the last one to be thinking seriously about having children, I have watched this stuff happen to people around me, people I love the most. And inside me I am always a bit off guard by these momentous steps that happen so easily and naturally.
One day, when I was almost three, I was taken to the hospital to get a first look at my little sister. This glace at a little baby is my very first solid memory and I can actually draw that fuzzy feeling image back. She was all mine until eighteen years later when she met B and then slowly we detached and she became his.
Now, she is on bed rest, waiting for her baby boy to decide he is ready. She and B will be a mom and a dad, like our parents are for us. They will give him the best they can, raise him to be a good, strong, loving man and make sure he gets lots of tickles and raspberry blows on his belly, even when he is too old to allow himself to enjoy it. Maybe he will play drums like B did or violin like Dev. Ultimately, no matter how cute his name is, I will always call him something else, like I did with his mama.
And for now, he will have at least one cousin (shout out to JB) who he will grow up with and their lives will follow the same track of innocence, freedom, love and they will feel the same awe when life starts happening around them and then finally, to them.

A Reinvention

I am a total homebody, I admit it. I will look forward to something for weeks and then when the time comes, I chicken out (socially) and end up occupying myself at home. The time slips by and I am guilty every minute of it. To make things worse I married someone just like myself except he doesn't get the guilty part.

This has happened recently on the Fourth of July. I was so honestly so excited about a friend's party. As it was getting closer, I kept finding out that people I knew wouldn't be there. This is silly because I could go and have a perfectly good time. Instead, we cat-sat at my sister's house and watched a marathon of To Catch a Predator. Pathetic. We didn't even go to my parent's house to watch the fireworks over the lake, and we were housesitting there too!

I wanted to start a business but I have trouble answering my phone when it rings. I am entirely too content in my little bubble and the interruption is.....irritating.

I am going to try to reinvent myself as a social butterfly. I don't think it has gotten to unhealthy levels yet so there is still hope.

Photoshop away-oh, away-oh!

I savor these silly pics Ness creates. With a mama like this, JB is bound to be a crafty one.

He's my mister, I'm his miss. Gonna be til we're old.

I just pinch myself.
Yesterday I was reading my blogs, stretched out on the couch and he got up to close the drapes. He turned back and just stared at me. I said, "What?" in my usual sassy way.
He said, "I just look at you and you are so beautiful." Then he came and flopped on top of me and I forgot all about my blogs.
Lucky me!

I want to be good, I do

Today I want to be better at:

1. removing my nail polish when it starts to chip off
2. not going to work with wet hair
3. not leaning on my elbows
4. doing things I think about doing (see #4-6)
5. finishing thank you cards and making them meaningful
6. designing an invitation for Dev's baby shower
7. exercising