Yesterday I came home with groceries and a neighbor was walking her granddaughter. Asher came out to help me and Big Boy came out on the porch. As the stroller passed the porch, the little girl said, "CA!" Her grandma said, that's the first time she's ever said that!
Way to go, Biggie, you have made yourself another fan!
I am starting to get close to wishing for a baby for reals. It's scary because I say that I have always been ready for a baby but when Ness and Dev had theirs, it kind of scared me. The physical aspect of it as well as the emotional impact. The financial part isn't as scary because I know you always figure out a way to do it, though things are easier for us now so maybe I am just feeling more comfortable. Still, it scares me. The needs, the instincts, the sleepless nights.
But looking at this little baby yesterday, the craving came back. Her dad is black and her mom is white and we had watched them walk down the street while her belly grew and grew. Now the baby is about a year old. And I am unnaturally pre-occupied at looking at children like this. It sounds weird to say, even feels weird to think it, but I always look at them like, "maybe my kid will look like you?"
Last week I went to Ulta and there was a mom and daughter there and the girl was in her early teens and mixed race. They were picking out mineral foundations together, of all things.
"I think I'm more caramel?"
"No! You're darker than that!"
"No, ma, look...."
"Oh yeah, you are caramel."
I made a wish for a girl in that moment.